Growing and Blooming Where Planted

grumble. growl. complain. blah.

These are words that I will use to describe some of the mood that has affected me in the last few days.  I believe this is truly an environmental "setback" and, as I have always believed, "this too shall pass."

A lot has happened this year so far.  And, quite a few things have affected my outlook on my own life and my own purpose.  As of Friday, three people around my age have passed away.  Two of them I knew from school and one I didn't really remember meeting, but she was the best friend of a friend of mine.  I have seen the sadness, shock, and grief deeply affect my friends, who were obviously closer to these folks than I had the pleasure of being.  All three of these individuals impacted the lives of those around them to a degree that I cannot even begin to understand.  Through all of the sorrow, I have found that I question my own purpose and I honestly question the plan that God has had for me since I was born (or even before!). 

My 5th grade teacher, Mrs. Dorman, was a special lady.  She knew me since I was little, so I guess you could say I've always known her!  Mrs. Dorman's classroom was the first place I ever cried uncontrollably in front of my classmates.  All because of one little boy.  He told me that he didn't "like" me and wouldn't "go with me" because I was ugly and weird.  I laugh now, but I can remember it like it was yesterday.  I was so sad and hurt and I thought that I was doomed to a life of solitude because I was ugly and weird.  I put a lot of stock in what he said at that time, but, I was in 5th grade!!!  It was quite a big deal!  However, Mrs. Dorman took me into the hallway and tried to explain to me that he was just a silly boy and sometimes people say dumb things.  She also told me that I needed to not cry because while it hurt right then, what did he know anyway?  She said I was pretty from the inside out and one day I would find out that no matter what people said about my "outsides", it would be my "insides" that really count. 

I think of Mrs. Dorman often and I will always remember this cross-stitched cloth in a little brown frame that was in her classroom.  It read, "Bloom Where You're Planted".  It wasn't until recently that these words, as well as her words to me in the hallway that day, have had more of an impact than ever before.  She passed away from cancer at a younger age than many, just a few years ago.  I never really thanked her for helping me; I guess I never realized just how much until now. 

Though I have since grown up, I've still experienced a lot of times that I felt "ugly and weird" in my life.  Sometimes I am still reduced to tears by dumb things that other people say.  And sometimes these dumb things make me question if I'm ever going to grow as a person and truly "bloom where I'm planted."  But, as I write this, I cannot help but think that somehow, I already am.