Older and wiser? Or just older?

On every birthday, I make my "new year's resolutions" for my next trip around the sun. I don't do this on the traditional January 1st, but then again, when do I do anything traditionally, right? Oh, anyway. I usually try to reflect on the year, the things I learned, the mistakes I made that resulted in those things learned, and what I want the next year to be like for me. Now, years past have been the typical "get in shape", "work smarter", "be a better friend" and so on. This year, however, my resolutions are so totally different than before. My former resolutions were very centered around other peoples' perceptions of me. I've always wanted to control that. I want folks to look at me and say "she's a good person" or "she's got it together" and all that good stuff. But this year? This year I decided to really relax and just enjoy things. I want to rejoice and be thankful for all of the little moments that take place every day.
I worry like you wouldn't believe. I become obsessed with the object of my worry and then I become embedded in the worry itself! And at the end of the day, most of the things I worry about never come to fruition or they turn out not as bad as I wanted to believe. I've found that sometimes the things that were the real game-changers were things I would have never thought to worry with in the first place!
The joke in my house has been "I feel old." Nate so kindly pointed out my gray hair one night two weeks ago as we sat on the couch. He then went on to explain that it wasn't really gray, it was more white. Well alrighty then! But, hey, he joked--it could be worse! I could have my brothers' hair pattern!! (semi-bald!) EEK! Made me think about when I was younger and would complain to my mom. I would say "My hair looks stringy!" and she would say "Be thankful you have hair!" or I would say "My feet hurt from walking!" and she would say "Be glad you have legs and feet that work!"
Lately I have thought about those things even more and realized that I am not nearly thankful enough! I spend so much of my time worried with other people's perceptions or what all I wish could be different that I have forgotten to be thankful! So, last Sunday, on my birthday, I enjoyed every single minute from the moment my eyes opened that morning until the moment my eyes shut that night. We ate. We bowled with my friends. We ate more. I went to my sisters to blow out my candles and have my cake. It was truly the most enjoyable day that I can remember in such a long time. I appreciated every message I got, all the well wishes, and all of the wonderful things and wonderful people in my life, even if I didn't get to see them on that actual day. And the best part? I did not feel one ounce of worry or guilt about what I did that day. That is a celebration in itself!

For the record: I will NOT complain about "feeling old" any longer. I have so much to do yet--I don't have time for that nonsense!

So, as my beloved Jimmy Buffett sings:

"I'm growing older but not up;
my metabolic rate is pleasantly stuck.
Let the winds of change blow over my head;
I'd rather die while I'm living than live while I'm dead."

:) LAH